


It Will Be Me

by beemblebummed



Category: The Walking Dead (Telltale Video Game)
Genre: AND THIS IS YET ANOTHER FIC OF COVER YUOR CRYSTAL EYES, JESUS CHRIST I MADE A MISTAKE, im a wreck, im so fucked up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-18
Updated: 2018-04-18
Packaged: 2019-04-24 11:30:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,830
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14354568
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beemblebummed/pseuds/beemblebummed
Summary: hey remember that one time sarita died ?? hhahahahahahahaahsarita's perspective of this chapter https://archiveofourown.org/works/9504305/chapters/28347348this is ewbanh's fucking fault





	It Will Be Me

**Author's Note:**

> squicks/triggers  
> -death  
> -fucking emotional  
> -mentions of matthew and walter's deaths

"Ben!" Clementine shouted from behind Ben. Sarita turned her head to see what the child cried out for, gasping at seeing the girl's hatchet lodged in a walker. She took a step toward the child only for Ben to rush over first. With him focusing on helping, Sarita turned back to face the walkers drawing nearer to the sounds of things not dead.

 

One lunged at her and she shoved it back, grunting at the exertion but recovering quickly. It fell flat on its back, snarling as it struggled to get back up and go at Sarita again. With it busied, Sarita turned again to check on the children with her, her stomach twisting at the sight of a walker limping to them. Their backs were turned. It missed Sarita, but it was going to get the children—

 

She rushed the short distance to grab the back of its head, grabbing the hair and pulling only for the handful of it to detach from the skin altogether. She was shocked a the failed attempt but had snagged its attention, raising her hand up again to stick her knife in its brain. Clementine turned to see the woman overshoot the walker's head, leave her hand directly in the path of its teeth, and be bitten in a split second.

 

Her eyes widened at the burning pain, and then her scream split the air in time for Ben to watch her try to wrestle her hand away.

 

It was almost as if she was no longer in control, yanking her arm back and trying to push the walker's head away with her other hand. It was like phantom sensations of the movement, but no awareness that she was moving. She didn't know what to do. It wasn't sinking it. She coudn't be bitten, this couldn't _happen_. There was so much, so many people, things she had to do, words to say, places to move onto, _this couldn't happen!_

 

Before she snapped out of it, Clementine's hatchet slammed into the walker's head, impacting and destroying the brain. Her hand curled inward, blood seeping into her shirt as it lay close to her chest. She could feel her heart slamming against the back of her chest, horrible pains shooting up her arm and bursting in her temples.

 

"Sarita," Clementine whispered, staring at the woman's hand.

 

"I'm, I'm bit, oh...oh, _god_..," Sarita said, her words all but sobbed out. "Clementine, it-it bit me, I'm dead— _I'm dead!_ "

 

"We have to stay calm, they'll notice you," Clem said back, her eyes wide and still locked on the woman's hand.

 

Ben didn't speak, staring at Sarita's face, feeling a mixture of everything at once, and then nothing. He felt _blank_.

 

"Oh, my god, _Sarita!_ "

 

Sarita and Clementine turned their heads to see Kenny run over with Mike at his side. Mike said a quiet _'oh shit'_ and Kenny quickly snapped, "She's _gonna_ be okay!"

 

The young girl reached out and grabbed Ben's hand as Kenny reached for Sarita's, lifting it after a second to cup her jaw in his palm. She met his gaze as he said far softer, ' _You're gonna be okay'_ and in that moment, Sarita believed she would. At further urging from Kenny, the small group took off for the treeline again, Clementine having to force Ben to start moving at first.

 

Kenny had taken Sarita's uninjured hand firmly, keeping her close at his side as they rushed through the herd as fast as they could manage. It was all Sarita could do to keep moving and not break down in the middle of the danger. Her hand continued to throb and burn, the sensation of needles pricking the surface of her skin coming when they made it to the trees. She didn't even really notice that they had found Rebecca and then that awful woman, Jane.

 

When Sarita did snap out of her dissociative state, it was to the harsh sound of Kenny's voice, screaming as her knees buckled and she fell toward the dirty ground. Instinct shot her hands out to support her body, the bitten hand absorbing the shock and forcing an agonized cry out of her. She felt hands grip her at the sides, instantly panicking and weakly struggling against the touch only to be heaved up and then see who did it. Kenny's hands shifted from her sides to the middle of her arms, bracing her gently but firmly.

 

_"Sarita, can you hear me?"_

 

The words were farther away to her than what they had to have been in reality. He shouldn't have been that quiet. Still, she heard him, and she nodded her head appropriately, blinking a few times and then turning her head to....to.....

 

...What was it she was looking for?

 

"Sarita!"

 

That time, Kenny's voice was clear as it was supposed to be. Sarita snapped her head back around to find him staring at her with growing concern and fear. It scared her, and then made her feel horrible for this, for dropp her guard, for not being faster, for being bitten, for...

 

"Kenny," she whispered, shaking her head ever so slightly. "Oh, Kenny. I'm so—s-so sorry, I'm so sorry, I don't—"

 

"No, no, hush," he said, glancing down. "Here, you want me to carry you? I can manage. I'll carry you, you can save your strength. 'Cause you're gonna be fine."

 

Sarita didn't see the looks Rebecca and Mike exchanged behind Kenny's back. She blinked and looked down, considering the offer but then shaking her head. "I'm fine, I will..I will keep walking."

 

Kenny only looked more upset. "No, darlin', listen, you—you'll start to feel sick, an-and you might fall again. We just gotta get you settled and rested, and you'll be fine, trust me."

 

 _Trust me_.

 

She turned her head away to cough into her unharmed hand, a soft wheeze escaping her before she nodded. Kenny carefully put his hands on Sarita's back and behind her knees, tilting her body and then lifting her up. After adjusting to the change in position, Sarita let her head rest over against Kenny's shoulder, and then shut her eyes. For a while, she didn't think about anything, as though her mind was completely blank after racing so furiously only a short time ago.

 

How long ago was it? Sarita knew it had been dark escaping from Howe's. She groaned as she opened her eyes again, feeling a rush of terror when her surroundings changed. She had only shut her eyes for a second! She wasn't in Kenny's arms anymore, she wasn't under a dim sky nor surrounded by trees. Panic flared as she tried to move and found her body to feel a ton heavier.

 

"Sarita?"

 

It was Kenny. Everything shifted into focus and she realized she was on the ground, lying down in front of him. He looked so much more upset and scared. She was grateful to feel his fingers combing through her hair, despite how much they shook.

 

"I'm—I'm right here, baby," he said as comfortingly as he could, his voice cracking. "I'm not goin' anywhere."

 

After he said that, Sarita noticed someone. She shifted her sight over, recognizing Ben. She opened her mouth to speak but a fierce wave of coughs impaired her ability to, every inch of her body trembling and writhing at the force of it. Kenny gasped softly, his teeth clenching together as Sarita shakily reached out, her hand inviting Ben to her.

 

He didn't wait a second, all but stumbling to her, kneeling, and clasping her hand tightly in his. She smiled. Everything hurt, but she had her boys. That mattered.

 

"I've got you, hon," Kenny said, managing to force down a sob as he shifted a hand to touch Sarita's paling face. "We were supposed to make it to Wellington. It was supposed to be our home."

 

Sarita shut her eyes. She imagined Wellington. She imagined sitting at a table with Kenny across from her and Ben at her side. She saw them smiling and heard them laughing, the warm smell of food surrounding them, something sweet to enjoy after a refreshing meal. She saw a home. A family.

 

But it wasn't going to be hers.

 

"I know," she said after opening her eyes. "You two can still—still make it."

 

"It won't be the same," Kenny whispered, "no-not without you. I...I..."

 

Clementine's small voice drifted into the tent, Sarita nearly missing it. She asked for Kenny, for help with Rebecca. Before the man could start arguing or saying he couldn't help, Sarita coughed and managed to tell him to go help between the aching pains. Tears built in both of their eyes as she promised to wait for him.

 

It was as truthful a promise as ' _you're gonna be okay_ ' was. She didn't know that. Evidence at this point indicated there was no telling. She could die the second he left the tent. But, as empty as the promises were, they helped both parties.

 

Kenny did hesitate, but he quickly got up after leaning down and kissing Sarita's forehead. She heard him tell her not to go anywhere. Not until he got back. She was going to try, no matter how hard it was, even if it would be easier and better to sleep. She wanted to see him before she was gone and she wanted Ben to be with her as long as he could manage. If only there were a better way to handle exits from this world any more.

 

She watched the boy's face as he shifted, removing his jacket and laying it over her body. His face twisted and the shaking in his hands seemed to get worse. He was so thin and so young, the age in his eyes and the lines beneath them having built up to create a mask that hid his youth. His innocence was gone. She wished she could have saved it. Now she was only a reason for his suffering to worsen.

 

 _This is your fault_ , echoed in her head. _You weren't careful. You weren't fast enough._

 

Tears pricked the corners of her eyes. She had to fight against the urge to let them go when she realized, _she wasn't going to watch him grow._ She wanted to see him get smarter, stronger, happier. She wanted him to be safe. She wanted to _see him safe._

 

"B-Ben?" Sarita murmured, her voice giving away the crack in her fortitude. She needed to tell him things. She wanted him to know what she felt.

 

But he didn't respond. Her chest tightened. He blamed himself. He was putting the weight on his own shoulders. Kenny would too, she knew he would, and they would dissolve into misery like quick sand.

 

"Ben," she repeated, squeezing his hand as tightly as she could manage with lessening feeling in her body. He still did and said nothing, so she mustered the most steady voice she could to murmur, "I'm still here."

 

Instantly, the boy broke down. Tears slipped down his face as he sobbed, "This is a-all my fault."

 

"Shhh." She struggled with a brief fit of coughing and then cleared her throat before continuing, "No, no. This isn't your fault sweetheart."

 

_It's mine. This is my fault. I made a mistake. This is my fault._

 

"I told you-I told you I'd hurt you," he spoke, sobbing. "I-I was supposed to watch y-your back."

 

 _I should have watched my own back. You shouldn't be taking care of me. I should have done better. The fault is mine_.

 

She slid her hand out of his to reach up and wipe away a tear from his eye. "It's okay," she said softly, tilting her hand to rest it aganst his cheek. "You didn't do this."

 

He started to cry harder, his head hanging lower as he fell apart. She breathed in a shuddering breath, willing herself to not cry. Ben was already upset enough. This was fair to absolutely no one, but he was going to be left behind when she was gone. He needed to heal. She could be strong for now. _She had to be_.

 

She shushed him again, stroking the bruise on his cheek and assuring him of no blame for this. It wasn't his fault. It wasn't his fault. _It wasn't his fault_.

 

He squeezed her arm and she frowned. Her mind went backward in time, helping Kenny to the restaurant, finding such a frail and hurt little boy in there. How was that little boy the Ben she knew right now? It had been two years. He was still growing, but he was so much older now. How heavy the weight of his soul had to be, how heavy it would only continue to grow. She never thought about this kind of ending. It was always growing up, growing old, and dying before Ben. Maybe before Kenny.

 

But not like this.

 

"Ben," she spoke, avoiding delving too far into such thoughts, "you need to watch out for y-yourself. And Ke-Kenny."

 

God, that man. So stupid and stubborn, with a physical strength that only added fuel to the fire of being so stubborn. He swore so often it was like a whole different language for him. He rubbed off on Sarita, absolutely. A hint of a smile, so small and easy to miss, touched her lips at a memory brought back to her. The first time Kenny heard her swear, having sliced her hand trying to cook with Walter. The way Matthew looked at her, the shocked gasp that left Kenny after she had uttered the softest of ' _fuck_ 's. She almost thought they didn't notice her injury by how silent they had become. Matthew had been the first to laugh. It didn't surprise her.

 

The trace of a smile died wth the memory of her friends' deaths. She never really stopped to grieve. How did their world fall apart so fast?

 

The boy shifted to wipe his eyes. "He's—he's going to hate m-me," he choked out. "I-I killed his only family.... _again_."

 

"You're his f-family, never _ever_ forg-get that." She hurt. She hurt so much. "E-even if he doesn't ac-act like it—sometimes. Y-you're all he has left."

 

Her stomach hurt. Her chest ached. She fought as hard as she could against the urge to break down. Ben needed someone strong. She needed to be strong. She could be strong for him. _She had to be_.

 

She coughed again, but masked a rough sob with it. She had so much to say but no time to put it together. She wished she had written it down, or figured it out before right now. There was so much she needed him to know and wanted him to hear. He was so loved and so cherished, by both herself and Kenny, no matter how badly his grief and anger messed around in his head. She loved him so much, and there was nowhere to put it down.

 

"P-promise me, Ben," she whispered.

 

"I promise," the boy sobbed, his voice cracking on the second word, "I swear."

 

She shut her eyes.

 

_You are so brave._

 

She held an image, a memory, of Ben smiling at her in her mind.

 

_You are not your mistakes._

 

A smile touched her face, true and meaningful. She remembered the warmth in her chest when Ben fired a gun for the first time, the excitement and pride in himself he had. She thought about their talk so early in the morning at the ski lodge.

 

_You are never weak._

Ben's voice was distorted, muffled, like she was hearing under water, as he said her name. Every moment she shared with him, every moment she shared with Kenny—they were her family. They made this family. This is what they made, together, against all odds.

 

 _I love you so much_.

 

She drew in a soft breath, her smile never fading.

 

"You always were q-quite the breath of fresh air," she whispered.

 

She heard shuffling and movement, then heard Kenny's voice, still distantly. She couldn't understand everything he said. She muttered a warning, hoping it came out all the way, the right way—she didn't have much time. She was going to be gone.

 

She heard Kenny say something desperately. He said please. Why couldn't she hear him?

 

"You two take care of ea-each other," she said.

 

Every touch, every smile, every hug, every laugh. She had them all in her heart. As long as she could. They were her family, no matter what. She loved them so much.

 

" _I love you—please..!"_

 

"I-I love you too." Her body's strength was gone. All her limbs relaxed, limp. "I don't—I don't want him to see."

 

She winced at a sharp pang in her chest. Her senses were fading. The last thing she heard was Kenny shouting. She smiled still. She loved them so much. She loved them.

 

 

And then she was gone.

 


End file.
